Discover His heart: His wisdom helps us raise Godly children
To spank or not to spank – now that’s a debate for today. Gaining momentum is the idea that spanking promotes anger and hostile behavior in children. Many others take a more traditional position and believe that spanking when done without anger is an acceptable means of correcting disobedient children. Having followed the conventional view, it was somewhat disconcerting for me to learn recently from my grown son that the spankings I gave him when he was young never really hurt him. When I reminded him that he always cried, he gave me a sheepish smile and informed that he did that to make me feel better about it all. I honestly gave it my best shot. In spite of this, he’s grown to be a godly father and husband today, for which I am eternally thankful.
There was no debate in Solomon’s mind regarding corporal punishment – he was all for it! He began the chapter with, “A wise child accepts a parent’s discipline; a mocker refuses to listen to correction,” (1) and added in verse 24 a stronger statement, “Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them.” “Discipline your children while there is hope. Otherwise you will ruin their lives.” (19:18) “A youngster’s heart is filled with foolishness, but physical discipline will drive it far away.” (22:15) “Don’t fail to discipline your children. They won’t die if you spank them. Physical discipline may well save them from death.” (23:13-14) Well, I think we know where Solomon stood on the subject.
The most abusive discipline by parents that I have observed came from words spoken rather than spanking. However, spanking need not be our first course of action in disciplining our children, and so very often other methods will take care of the situation we are facing. When I resorted to this form of discipline, I followed the advice of so many others and never disciplined in anger but did so when emotions were calm and thinking was clear. Any form of discipline administered without instruction, in my mind, is useless. The purpose of discipline is to bring correction, to bring about a change in behavior. How can these dear ones learn how to change without our instruction and help? Following discipline, I often asked my children to tell me what the correct behavior would have been. There was a lasting reinforcement in the matter when the answer came from their mouths instead of mine.
There were a few months in my daughter’s early teen years where there was a battle for supremacy between us. Because of my determination to win, I was considered by her at times to be one of the “meanest mothers in the world.” I must admit that I wore that label with some pride. Then one day everything changed when my daughter told me about an exchange she had with a close friend. She was complaining to her friend about how strict I was, never allowing her to do what she wanted to do. Her friend tearfully responded, “Well, at least she cares about you. At least she cares about what you are doing and where you are going. I wish my mom did.”
I believe we both won that battle. My decisions and instructions were now received without question. My daughter finished her teen years without regrets and is today a beautiful woman of God and a wonderful mother. No matter what form we use, disciplining children takes time, tenacity and a willingness to be disliked from time to time, but if we really love our children and care about their future, we will do it. “Those who love their children care enough to discipline them… Physical discipline may well save them from death,” said the wisest man who ever lived.
Moving Forward: I move forward today with a grateful heart. Grateful for the wisdom from His Word that produced the remarkable children I enjoy today.
Tomorrow @ Ezekiel 37-42
Phyllis Benigas 